


I Just Think (That We'd Get On)

by hobbitwinchester001



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Wayne wants to be in a sad little rich boy duo with Tony, Crossdressing Kink, Crossdressing Tony Stark, Everybody loves Tony, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Jealous Steve Rogers, Jealousy, Literally everyone - Freeform, Logan doesn't really like Tony, Logan likes to fuck up everyone's chance with Tony. Why? I really don't know, M/M, Multi, Natasha doesn't really want to screw Tony, Nobody dates Tony without his permission, Oblivious Tony Stark, Pining Steve Rogers, Protective Avengers, SO MUCH FLUFF, Seriously don't even dream about Tony cuz Rhodey WILL KNOW., She puts him in skirts and heels to fuck with everyone, Steve takes Johnny Storm wayyy too seriously, Tasha will totally wear a strap on for him though, They will literally fight you if you say one bad thing about their iron cinnamon roll, This story is not mean to be taken seriously, Throwback fic dedicated to my fanfiction.net days, Tony Stark Defense Squad, Tony Stark Feels, Tony is nice to everyone, Tony is too cute for his own good, Young Tony Stark, also big brother Rhodes swoops in to fuck shit up, and smut once they learn to share Tony, even when he shouldn't be, except Tony isn't as sad, he just likes to fuck with steve, he will wear the shit out of a sweater dress and thigh highs, it's out of character and everything, its not a crack fic but don't expect a fleshed out character masterpiece, pining everyone, possesive behavior, she just wants to dress him up and keep him cute forever, shes just not into the vagina stuff, so much jealousy, this is just a silly cute fic for Tony lovers broken up about civil war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-08-18 07:06:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8153308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobbitwinchester001/pseuds/hobbitwinchester001
Summary: Steve thinks that 21 year old Tony Stark is the most selfless, adorable, and complex person that he's ever met. And Steve really wants to hold his hand.  Too bad the rest of the Avenger's feel the same way. And half of the Fantastic Four, some weird Wayne guy, and their newest team member, Wolverine. Tony just wants to know why everyone's acting so weird.





	1. Simply Knowing You Exist

 

_"Simply, knowing you exist ain't good enough for me." -Kate Nash, 'We Get On'_

  
There were several things that one needed to know about Steve Rogers, more predominately known as Captain America, in order to truly understand what type of person he is. And to get a full understanding of his motives and the personality hidden behind the All-American Boy façade, which really isn't a façade at all, one would simply have to turn on the light.

Or just look at the internet history on his Stark Phone.

Which wasn't at all hard to find. Steve often left it sitting in plain sight, unlocked, and he never even bothered closing any of the icons or web pages he had previously been on.

So it wasn't at all surprising that Natasha was the first to discover all Cap's 'dirty little secrets'.

**********

Early Monday morning, Natasha stumbled down into the kitchen, grumbling and attempting to untangle the red mass of birds nest that was currently her hair with calloused fingers. She trudged over to the coffee machine, some stainless steel piece of...something that she was just beginning to figure out how to use. Natasha had no idea where Stark stored all of the imagination and manic behaviors that seemed to waft out of his very skin in droves of increasingly elaborate and more than a little inane inventions.

The assassin waited, tapping her foot to an imaginary beat as her steaming hot cup of goodness brewed and poured out of a tap like nozzle on the side of the contraption. She stirred in her sugar and cream, suddenly a muffled buzzing noise interrupted the previously quiet atmosphere. She turned to the kitchen island and squinted, Steve's phone was vibrating and skittering around the marble table top. Natasha glided over, plucking the blue Stark Phone off the table and taking a sip of her sweet drink before glancing down at the blonde's phone.

Who would be calling him at this hour?

It was Agent Coulson.

She sighed heavily, the red head really didn't feel like carrying on a conversation this early in the morning on her most hated day of the week. Besides it wasn't exactly an emergency was it? If something was currently destroying the city, the Avengers alarm would have gone off and the team would have been the first on the scene in minutes. Natasha shook her head before reluctantly answering it.

"What do you need Phil." She'd gotten straight to the point.

The connection on the line was bad and the Agent's voice crackled with static. "Um Agent Romanoff? Why are you using the Captain's phone?"

Natasha combed a hand through her hair, glancing down at the frayed edges, she really needed to get a trim. "He left it downstairs. Do you really need to talk to him?"

"Well not necessarily."

"Shoot."

"I just needed to inform the Captain that you will be receiving a new...more permanent addition to the team."

Her eyes narrowed. "Excuse me? And when did you decide this? Are you trying to replace Stark? Because I told Fury I was wrong about him and that he was a perfect fit for the team. Put Fury on the phone now." Natasha hadn't really meant any of the things she had said about the Stark kid previously, after all he was only 21 years old and whether she liked it or not, the assassin knew that Tony always meant well and he had a good reason for all of his slightly manic and destructive behavior. Besides the occasional drinking binge and the previous days he spent without food and showers in order to finish a project Tony's slate was pretty clean.

Not to mention the fact that the team always made an effort to make him feel comfortable and wanted, it was his home after all and the least they could do was bring him some coffee or something to eat when he was in the lab too long. Or brush his hair when he fell asleep in their laps.

Well, she was the only one that had ever done that for Stark but that was beside the point.

"Calm down Agent, were not replacing anyone. But since Thor is away so often, Director Fury thought it would be a good idea seeing as you guys need more of a hand on occasions when Thor isn't around."

"Good. So who is it?"

"A mutant, he goes by the name of Wolverine. I'm sure you've heard of him?"

"Oh, I've heard of him." She rolled her eyes. "Good morning Agent."

"What-?"

After hanging up on Phil and drinking the rest of her beverage, Natasha busied herself with snooping through the Captain's phone. She found it pretty laughable that Steve NEVER cleared any of his history.

At least she'd found it funny, that is until she stumbled upon what he'd previously been searching for on his chrome app.

_How to woo a Billionaire? How to converse with someone smarter than you? What do you do when you want to hold someone's hand?_

It wasn't that hard to come to the conclusion that-

"Steve's in love with Tony?"

*********

Steve twiddled his thumbs nervously as he waited for the bacon sizzling on the stove to finish cooking. He'd arranged an elaborate breakfast of pancakes, grits , a bowl of fruit, an omelet and a space for the bacon on the tray that he used whenever he planned on bringing Tony a meal when he was caught up in his invention of the week.

Despite how often he did this (nearly every day) Steve couldn't help but still be nervous every time he did it. It was Tony after all, and despite the boys adorable messy hair, big eyes, and diminutive stature the billionaire always managed to make the captain feel like an idiot.

Abuzz with anxious energy, the blonde lifted the golden pieces of meat out of the pan and placed them neatly on the tray. Summing up all the courage he could muster, Steve waddled down carefully into the lab.

He cringed slightly at the loud music Tony always played before glancing around the room, looking for his little genius under all that clutter and noise. What if Tony wasn't even here? It wouldn't be the first time.

"Tony?"

He sighed in relief when a mass of dark brown hair popped up from underneath a counter. "Steve? Is tha' you?" Tony yawned, turning and rubbing at his dazed and slightly red eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Which was impossible because Steve distinctly recalled Bruce walking Tony to his room a day ago in order to get some much needed rest.

"Jarvis , did Tony actually go to sleep when Bruce took him up to the penthouse the other night?"

The A.I sighed. "I'm terribly sorry Mister Rodgers but Sir could not sleep last night. His heart rate elevated every time he closed his eyes."

Steve's heart ached. "Nightmares."

"Indeed Captain."

Tony, seemingly unaware that he was the subject of their current conversation, stumbled over to the taller man. "Where's M'food Stebe?" He slurred.

The captain sat the tray down, walking over to Tony and sitting him down on a nearby stool. "How about you sit here and eat, and Ill take you to your room so you can get some sleep?"

The genius groaned. "Can't sleep, too many n-n-n-was' it called?"

"Nightmares Tony."

"Yeah that." Steve knew that whenever Tony got in this sort of mood, the best course of action would be to just let him do what he wanted under intense supervision. He would drop off eventually due to the sheer exhaustion he often pushed himself too.

"What do you want to do instead Tony?"

"Team move nigh'." He mumbled while stuffing the eggs and bacon down his throat.

"You want to have a team movie night?" Steve smiled despite himself. The other man was so adorable when he was tired, well he was when he was awake too but Tony was a million times more honest after he'd gone a few days without rest.

Tony gobbled down the rest of his bacon. "Mmf. Yeah, wanna watch Ma-Male-Malefinny, whatever that movie is."

"Alright Tony finish eating your fruit, yes all of it, and well get the rest of the team together so we can watch Maleficent."

 


	2. Ain't Good Enough For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky decide to team up in order to win Tony's heart and Natasha and Clint do the same. Also Thor thinks he knows everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm happy to be getting so many positive comments! You might not believe it, but the comments are what keep me motivated to write a story. Seeing that you guys so excited really makes me look forward to writing this fic. 
> 
> Polls: Avenger's/Tony in the lead with 6 votes!
> 
> Steve/Tony: 4
> 
> Avengers/Tony: 6
> 
> Avengers/Tony/Rhodey: 1
> 
> Rhodey/Tony: 1
> 
> Steve/Tony/Bucky: 3
> 
> Bucky/Tony/Natasha: 1
> 
> Bruce Wayne/Tony: 2
> 
> Johnny Blaze(Ghost Rider)/Tony: 1
> 
> Keep voting you guys!

Clint grunted as he was slammed into the wall.

"Nat what the hell!?"

"Quiet."

The archer rolled his eyes. "C'mon Nat we really don't have time for this, It's team movie night. And I have to get a good seat so Tony wil-"

Natasha loosened her grip, letting Clint slide down the wall into a heap. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." The redhead casually reached into her back pocket and pulled out a knife. "I believe we share a common interest." She smirked sharpening her nails.

Clint straightened, brushing himself off. "Okay." He crossed his arms and cocked his hips to the side. "I'll bite. Shoot."

"Your in love with Tony-"

"W-What?!" The archer blushed. "Why would you think that?!"

Natasha sighed, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, like I was saying. Your in love with Tony. And I also want him."

"What exactly are you suggesting?"

"Despite the fact that your kind of an idiot-"

"HEY!"

"I think we should team up."

The blonde's brows furrowed suspiciously. "Wait you want to team up with me? Why?"

"Well to be fair you weren't my first choice. I was going to go with Bruce, but lets face it he doesn't need my help. Then I thought of asking Steve. But he's too much of a dork. Thor is hardly ever around and when he is he's too annoying. Rhodes would say no. Peppers out of town, and James just comes across as a horny creep whenever he tries to flirt with Tony." She paused to take a breath. "Therefore you are my final choice."

The man paused, thinking it over. On one hand he knew accepting Natasha's help was the best chance he was going to get. But on the other hand he wanted to prove he could do this on his own. And if they succeeded Clint would have to split his time with Tony 50/50 with her. And he REALLY wasn't looking forward to splitting his Tony Time.

Well regardless, before Clint came to a proper decision he'd have to see some results first.

"Okay." He began. "How about this. You prove to me if you'll really be an asset to 'Operation Get The Stark Booty' and afterwards ill consider accepting your help."

Natasha wrinkled her nose in disgust. "First of all we are NOT calling it that. And secondly I accept your conditions. Don't push your luck. I can still decapitate you using only a pencil sharpener and a butter knife." She hissed, brandishing her knife.

The blonde threw his hands up and tripped over his own feet in order to back away from the female assassin. "Fine! But I'm still calling it that in my head."

"Very well. Just go to the team room. Ill meet you there." Natasha smirked. "You're in for a bit of a surprise."

*****************

Steve hummed to himself as he washed off the dishes he'd used for Tony's breakfast in the sink. The blonde glanced back at the brunet in question, who was currently struggling to keep his eyes open at the kitchen island.

The super soldier paused and looked on in amusement as Tony jerked his head up once more after nodding off for a moment. Steve sighed, returning to his dishes. He wished he could spend every morning for the rest of his life this way.

And he could too, if he managed to get his head out of his ass and ask the genius out on a date.

"Mmmh Tash, wah are you doing?" Tony slurred.

The super soldier whipped his head around. Natasha was attempting to extract Tony from the wooden stool he was currently perched on. The redhead stared back at him defiantly.

"I'm borrowing Tony. Ill bring him back in a few for the movie."

"Borrow him?!" Steve sputtered. "But I was-this is-"

This was _his_ Tony Time god dammit!

The redhead rolled her eyes and continued to drag Tony away despite the blondes protests. Steve could do nothing but slump against the sink in defeat. If it was anyone else that took the billionaire he would have resisted a bit (well maybe a lot) more. But Natasha was scary. And she held a grudge. The first and last time the captain crossed her was when he forbid the other Avengers from going into Tony's room during the first two hours after his surgery after a mission gone wrong had landed him in the hospital. Needless to say the others didn't take it well. Especially Natasha.

She'd somehow convinced Jarvis to raise the fire levels every time Steve tried to sauté something on the stove.

It took weeks for his eyebrows to grow back in correctly.

Steve knew that if he was going to end up competing for Tony's hand (literally) with the redhead he was really going to have to step up his game. Because at the rate things were progressing Natasha would have Tony all to herself in no time.

 _Well_ , Steve sighed. _There's only one thing left to do._

"Jarvis? Could you call Bucky down please? Tell him it's a Tony Emergency."

******************

"Tash are you sure about this?" The current situation the brunette found himself in had roused him out of his previous state considerably. But he supposed that everyone would have that reaction when faced with one of your closest friends asking you if you prefer dresses over skirts.

Personally Tony liked them both. They were his after all, and he had impeccable taste.

"When have I ever led you astray mică pasăre roșie?"

The brunet nodded his head in agreement. Natasha wouldn't be telling him to do this if she didn't think it was a good idea. He looked at himself in the floor length mirror. "Why am I doing this again?"

The redhead glided up behind him, nestling her chin on his shoulder. "I told you pasăre It's Clint's birthday today. And he wanted to see me in something nice."

"Yeah I heard you the first time." Tony yawned. "But I still don't see what that has to do with me. Not that I'm complaining or anything."

Natasha bowed her head, hiding her devious smirk. Tony was so easy to fool. It was cute, but the redhead knew she would soon have to erase that habit least the younger man be taken advantage of by someone not as nice as her. "Well you see, I have a rather large cut on my leg. And its bandaged. I wouldn't look good in a skirt or dress at the moment."

Tony's eyes widened. "What? But Tasha you are ridiculously beautiful. Seriously. You always look good."

The assassin smiled, leaning in to peck the genius on the cheek. "You are very kind pasăre. But I still would like you to wear this. Will you do this for me?" The billionaire was truly too adorable for words. The redhead couldn't help but feel her heart leap in her chest every time he complemented her, which was often. Whenever he praised her for her combat skills and beauty (but mostly her skills in combat) it felt genuine. And if Natasha were anyone else, she might have blushed. 

"Of course I will Tasha. By the way, you never told me you and Clint were dating.  When did that happen?"

"We are not." Natasha assured him. "It started off as a bet and I lost. I believe he thought me dressing up for him would be...amusing."

Tony sighed in relief, for some odd reason he couldn't help but feel a bit apprehensive about the thought of Natasha and Clint dating.

 _It's probably nothing._ The billionaire thought to himself. _I probably just ate too much this morning._

_*****************_

"Okay." James squinted suspiciously. "So you want to team up with me? In order to win Tony's ass."

Steve sighed. "His heart Buck. Not his ass." _Oh who was he kidding, he wanted his ass too._

But mostly Tony's heart.

"Yeah, Yeah I'm just messin' with you Steve." Bucky smirked. "So how do you plan on doing this?"

"Well-" Steve straightened his shoulders, quickly steeling his resolve. "We start off by picking the prime spot in the team room-"

"Wait. You don't mean-"

"Yes. We have to claim the Cuddle Couch."

"Steve-" Bucky walked up to the soldier, gently sitting him down onto a nearby wooden stool. "Your my best friend. And I believe in you, but there is no way we're gettin' our hands on the cuddle couch. Not this late in the game at least. Bruce is probably already there. And do you really wanna try movin' him?"

The blonde paused, mulling it over.

The cuddle couch was the prime team room spot. It was black and squishy, and more often than not Tony gravitated towards the spot and whoever happened to be sitting there in that moment usually got a lapful of warm squirmy genius. Steve was convinced that if the power of the cuddle couch ever left the tower, they would have to beat every non-avenger off with a stick in order to protect Tony's virtue.

"We're going for it Buck." Steve insisted.

"Alright." The brunette shrugged. "If you say so."

"So we're a team now?" Steve grinned.

"You know it." Bucky smirked. He clasped the blond by the shoulder and hauled him to his feet. "Alright, lets go catch ourselves a billionaire."

****************

"God dammit!!" James pounded on the wall of the elevator. Snarling as the doors remained close. He was two seconds away from prying the damn thing open. "Jarvis let us out."

"I apologize Mr. Barnes, but it appears to be that Mr. Barton has found a way to disable the elevator. I am attempting to restore proper function as we speak."

Steve looked up at the celling pleadingly. "Please hurry."

"I am doing my best Captain." Jarvis continued. Followed by a metallic pinging noise. The glass doors slid open and both soldiers rushed out and sprinted towards the team room. They rounded the corner and skidded to a stop. Clint, Bruce, and Thor were already there.

"Bout time the two of you showed up." Clint smirked.

James narrowed his eyes and walked over to the archer.

"Okay, this is how team bonding time is going to go. Me and Steve claim the cuddle couch for the day. And you guys can sit wherever."

"What?! Why the hell do you two get the couch." Clint glared. "In case you haven't noticed I'm already sitting in it you asshole."

James glared back at the archer before advancing. "Don't worry little birdie. I can move you." He reached forward only to have his hand smacked away by Steve.

Steve stepped in between the soldier and the archer. "Buck. We were too late. We'll just come up with something else. Clint got here first, let him have the couch."

"But Steve!" Bucky whined. "We can't let Tony sit with him!"

The blonde sighed. Bucky did have a point. Tonight would be their chance to really get the ball rolling on 'Operation Win Tony's Heart (And Also His Ass)'. But Steve really wanted to play fair. Although Clint _had_ shut down the elevator in order to slow them down. Maybe if he just-

"OW!" Steve yanked his hand out of the archers mouth. "You bit me!"

"I wouldn't have bit you if YOU hadn't tried to move me." Clint spat. "What ever happened to 'he was here first' huh?!"

"I'm bleeding!"

"You'll heal!"

"You cheated!" Bucky seethed before crouching slightly ready to pounce on the older man at a moment's notice. He looked over at Steve who was still clutching his sluggishly bleeding hand to his chest. "Want me to deck him?"

"I fail to see how all of this fighting will help you win Anthony's heart." Thor sniffed haughtily. "After all I-" He pounded his chest triumphantly. "-Am the most desirable. And the strongest. Why should Anthony not choose me?"

"Who asked you?!" Clint yelled. "Get the hell off of me!" The archer threw up his hands, pushing Bucky's face with one hand and clawing uselessly at his metal arm with the other.

"I for one do not need the couch of infinite cuddling." Thor crossed his arms and leaned back into the cozy armchair he was seated in. "Anthony won't spare any of you a glance. After all why have you when he can sit on the lap of a god. One of thunder no less." Thor smirked.

"More like god of 'hot air'." Steve muttered while attempting to extract a growling Bucky off of a wailing Clint. "Clint stop kicking!"

"I'll stop once you let me go!"

"Um what are you guys doing?"

****************

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew I blew threw this chapter surprisingly quickly! I wasn't on writing everyone together so soon but Bucky,Thor, and Bruce refused to be left out. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> I am also looking for someone to edit this story. Or maybe even a co-author! Let me know if you are interested!
> 
> Natasha speaks Romanian in this chapter so many fics have her using Russian and calling Tony kitten but I decided to have her call him something else.
> 
> mică pasăre roșie-Little red bird  
> pasăre-Bird
> 
> I want everyone to have a cute nickname for Tony! Feel free to leave a suggestion in the comments below!


	3. Update

I have been neglecting this story in exchange for work and school, however it’s never left my mind so fear not! There will be an upload either tonight or tomorrow night so make sure to check back if your still interested in this story.  

Im terribly sorry for the long period of absence. I hope I can be forgiven and that you all are still willing to undergo this journey with me!

 

Also for those confused at the timeline, basically Maria and Howard have the same backstory (including the creation of Cap) but Maria was infertile so they adopted Tony in 1997.

Bucky wasn't the one sent to kill the Starks, instead he was found in a HYDRA base during a raid organized by SHEILD shortly after the events in Avengers. (in this verse only Avengers is cannon. But the events happened in 2016 instead of 2012. AOU and CW don't exist here) After months of intense therapy and supervised visits from Steve, Bucky was made an Avenger.

Howard was murdered by a HYDRA goon (died in 2000 around 80-83). (Obadiah didn't bother killing Maria)

(also Tony went to MIT in 2010 and graduated in 2013)  
Events of IM1 happened in the year 2014 (everything is canon except Rhodey is 23, Pepper is in her mid-late 20's, Tony is 17 and Pepperony is not a thing.) Maria passes peacefully in her sleep due to old age shortly after. Hence the emotional breakdown and drinking binge (combined with palladium poisoning) which causes Natasha to mark him as ‘not qualified’.

The team move into the Tower together a few months after the battle (by this time it is now 2017). And we fast foreword to present day where it is now canonically 2018 (though the exact month is unspecified).

(btw let me know if you are interested in seeing some flashbacks or more character backstory!)

If something in this verse doesn’t make sense or is confusing let me know (but try to be nice about it please).


	4. Never Felt This Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce is an grouchy sass monster, Clint lies about his age, Steve and Bucky are hard and Logan + Bruce W. are really good at stealing everyone’s thunder (so good that they don’t even need to make an appearance)
> 
> Also an angry honeybear appears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest In Peace Stephen Hawking! May you solve many more math problems in several more alternate universes. When the technology is available we’ll come visit you! <3 <3

" _I swear I’ve never felt this way about any other guy._ _" - Kate Nash "We Get On"_

"Um, what the hell are you guys doing?" Tony frowned. "And why is Bucky trying to suffocate Clint with a pillow?"

Clint didn't know what would do him in first, Barnes shoving a pillow over his mouth and nose or Tony's 'outfit' that didn't necessarily qualify as one because so much skin was being revealed.

The genius was wearing a fire engine red skin tight crop top made out of gauzy see through fabric and and a black ruffled skirt. The skirt was cut short, ending just below the bottom curve of his rear and his shirt was so opaque that his nipples were visible. He was too far away for the archer to tell if the buds were stiff from the air conditioning but nonetheless his mouth still watered at the thought of taking one of those puffy nubs into his mouth.

Furthermore, despite his frequent and admittedly vulgar comments about how much he loved perfectly shaped behinds, Clint was most definitely a leg man. And Stark was currently showing a hell of a lotta leg.

He was glad Barnes had him pinned so no one would be able to see the current stiffy in his jeans.

He knew he should have worn a looser pair of pants but last week Tony had asked him about his squat routine which could only mean that Stark was trying to tell him that he had a high quality ass. (In a roundabout way of course.)

Maybe throwing out all his jeans and ordering a dozen new ones two sizes smaller than he normally wore was taking it a bit too far but-

“What the hell!” He was _not_ feeling what he thought he was feeling. “Are you fucking hard Barnes? Get your dick away from my ass!”

The archer yelped as the soldiers mechanical arm whirred and launched him over the side of the couch and flat on his ass. “OW!”

“Look who’s got the couch now bird boy.” Bucky sat up and spread his legs.

  
Natasha rolled her eyes. “Absolute idiots.” She hadn’t been in a room filled with this many boners since her last mission in Prague. The redhead strolled over to Clint and leaned over. “Satisfied?” She murmured. “Did I not deliver? And what have you managed to do while I was busy dressing up our genius? Getting your ass handed to you by a cyborg? I’m beginning to think I should have paired up with Bruce instead.”

“Tasha nooo.”

"Would you guys please stop staring at me." Tony fluffed his skirt before flopping down next to Bucky. "It's as if you've never seen a guy in girls clothes before."

"I haven't" Steve murmured, his ears burned. The blonde grabbed the pillow previously used for smothering and clamped it down over his crotch.

Tony was wearing a revealing lace(?) top and a satiny black skirt. Despite knowing him for nearly three years now this was the first time Steve had ever seen Tony's bare legs. They were deeply tanned and surprisingly unscarred despite the genius constantly injuring himself in the lab. It must be the thick jeans he always wears. The super soldier felt a strange urge to drop down to his knees and bite at the tender skin between the younger mans exposed thighs.

"Well-" Bucky spread his legs even wider, successfully trapping Tony between the arm of the couch and his thigh. "I for one think you look amazing. As a matter of fact-"

Tony groaned. "Oh here we go-“

"Did you just fart?" Bucky smirked, ignoring Tony's protests.

"...no. And I hate you."

"Because as soon as you walked into the room-“

“Please for the love of god-“

“-you just blew me away."

Tony sighed heavily and looked up towards the ceiling. "Yes that's great. Wonderful even. Jarvis? Turn the movie on. PLEASE."

"Right away Sir."

"I'm sorry excuse me for a moment." Steve blushed. "I'm going to go to the restroom really quick."

  
“Use the water bottle method this time Cap!” Clint called.

Tony looked on in confusion as the super soldier bolted from the room. “Water bottle? Is he thirsty?”

“No Anthony!” Thor guffawed. “It seems the Captain is a little-how do you say?-heated beneath the underside of the clothing he is currently wearing.”

“It’s ‘hot under the collar’ Thor.” Bruce deadpanned.

“Verily! That is what I said. Do you not understand my form of expression? Steven is aroused Dr. Banner.”

“I _know_ what you were trying to say Thor, I was just correcti-“ The older man shook his head in defeat. “You know what? Nevermind. Tony, you look very nice but it’s 11 in the morning. Don’t you think it’s a little early to be wearing...lingerie?”

“It’s never too early for lingerie Brucey Bear. Besides, Tasha wanted me to wear it. And what kind of a man would I be if I denied a pretty lady the gift of seeing me in a skirt?”

Tony thought back to Thor’s previous comments about Steve. And Clint’s aversion to what appeared to be Bucky’s hardon(?). It sounded as if some of his teammates were...attracted to him?

Which wouldn’t make any sense because every single one of them was totally gorgeous (inhumanly so) and compared to them Tony was just the man in a can. Incapable of defending himself outside the suit. Meanwhile they could all kick ass on and off the field.

Tasha had tried to teach him some hand to hand (“You need to learn how to do something other than half assed boxing with Happy, Tony”) but he was woefully uncoordinated with anything that didn’t involve science, Avenging, high heels, and red carpet events.

Also it didn’t help that Tasha forced him to wear one of her leotards and a pair of teeny tiny gold yoga shorts. The gym had been weirdly crowded for a Monday afternoon that day.

"What's with Cap?" Tony made quick work of wrapping himself up like a burrito in a fluffy fleece blanket (a Christmas gift courtesy of Natasha). "Oh and happy birthday Birdbrain. I have no idea why you never mentioned it before. How old are you anyway?”

Clint was settled on one of the armchairs with a suspiciously smug looking red headed assassin perched on his lap. Maybe they _were_ dating? “Uhh 27.” The older man blushed.

  
Hmm. The crinkles around the archers eyes that appeared whenever he laughed seemed to say otherwise but who was Tony to call a guy out for lying about his age? He had been perpetually 18 during his entire stay at MIT-even though nobody bought it-and his Dad had kept his birthdate completely under wraps until his death. And it was only revealed for the sole purpose of adding it to his tombstone.

“Cool. I’ll take you out to dinner after I take a nap.” Tony yawned. “Or three”

The brunet ducked as a metal arm swung over his head and landed over his shoulders. “Yeah right like I believe your old wrinkly ass is 27” Bucky chuckled. “You’ve gotta be at least-“

Bruce turns towards him. “Aren’t you like a 105?”

“...”

The older man reached into his back pocket for a handkerchief. “That’s what I thought.”  
He rubbed his glasses.

“Damn Bruce.” Clint chuckled. “That calls for a high five!”

Bruce readjusted his glasses and turned towards the television. “I’m trying to watch the movie Clint. By the way what would you like for your birthday? A life alert button? Or maybe a pair of dentures? I’m sure you’re missing a few teeth. Seeing as how you spend so much time jumping off buildings-“

“Ookayy.” Tony jumped in. “Bruce turn down the sass. Jarvis can you PLEASE restart the movie?”

“Of course Sir.”

*********

Steve rushed to his private floor as fast as any super soldier sporting an erection could run.

The love of his life was wearing a skirt! Steve had seen plenty- _plenty_ -of revealing outfits since he woke up from the ice, but scantily clad Captain America fangirls (who refused to call him Steve even when he asked them to) didn’t make his heart race as much as the sight of Tony’s bare legs.

Tony’s smoothe, buttery legs and his delicate naked little _ankles-_

Okay, enough of that. “Steven Grant Rodgers. You will NOT lay a finger on your cock-no matter how hard said cock is-while thinking of your obscenely attractive teammate/roommate/private obsession. We are not going there.” He grabbed a bottle of water from his freezer and pressed it against his crotch, hoping the cold would diminish his hard on.

But like the cold shower method also suggested to him by Clint it did nothing but send another jolt of arousal throughout his body. God l. Maybe just a little touch wouldn’t hurt-

He slapped his cheek.“No! We ARE NOT going there Steve. Besides you know you take way too long when you get yourself off.”

Oh who was he kidding? He sooo wanted to go there.

“Just a quickie. No daydreaming or unnecessarily detailed imagined foreplay. A few tugs and back downstairs.”

Now, what exactly _had_ Tony been wearing underneath that skirt?

**************

After some much needed (and extremely long) private time Steve returned to the main floor only to find Bruce’s seat empty and a slack faced Tony finally sleeping off his recent inventing binge.

Only Thor, Bucky and Clint were all fighting over the geniuses prone body.

“Hey!” Steve rushed forward to rescue the sleeping man only to be held back by Natasha.

“Stay out of it bathroom boy. You could have shared the couch with Bucky and Tony if you didn’t spend so long masturbating. Who takes an entire hour just to jerk off?”

“I like to imagine certain scenarios okay!” The blonde sputtered. “Also I had to try the water bottle thing first!”

“Stop being stingy!” Clint’s arms were hooked under Tony’s armpits while Bucky held the genius by the waist. “You already got the cuddle couch!”

“I would have had it a lot longer of you hadn’t of fought me for it. And played dirty by blocking the elevator!”

“You mortals are so petty. Squabbling over Anthony’s body like Geri and Freki battle for fresh meat from my fathers plate.” Thor sneered. “I am the strongest, therefore I shall be the one to return Anthony to his chambers.”

“You say that but you’re also the one holding onto his foot.”

“Only to ensure that he remain unharmed.” The god of thunder sniffed haughtily. “Take care, my beloved is easily bruised.”

Clint delivered a swift kick to Bucky’s crotch, causing the supersoldier to momentarily loosen his grip on Tony’s waist. “Take that you bastard!” He pulled the upper half of the younger man’s body against his chest and pointed towards the drawn curtains on the other side of the room. “Ohmygod guys look it’s Loki!”

Thor turned eagerly. “Brother!?”

“Hah! Suckers!” Clint sprinted towards the elevator. “Jarvis opens up!”

“Of course Mr. Barton.”

“You rat bastard! What kind of guy kicks another in the dick!?”

***********************

The archer laughed maniacally as the elevator took him and his ‘prize’ to the penthouse floor.

Maybe he didn’t need Tasha after all. He procured his genius all on his own, no help required.

He walked through the engineers floor and into his bedroom, headed towards the massive California King (complete with gaudy red and gold bedding) and pulled back the blankets before laying the genius down gently. The older man kissed his forehead and tucked the covers up to his chin.

Clint scooted back towards the edge of the bed. “You know you’re incredibly cute when you sleep. I mean you’re hot when you’re not sleeping too. But when you’re awake your nose doesn’t crinkle and you don’t make those adorable ‘chuff chuff’ noises like a tiny kitten sniffing out a bowl of mil-“ He groaned. “Why am I trying to explain myself to someone who can’t even freaking hear me?”

“You make me crazy Tony.” Clint leaned forward and caressed his cheek. “You’re awesome and funny. And really freaking smart. Because of you I’ve got the best arrows and a really cool shooting range. And I’ve never felt this way about anyone _ever_ , except you.” He chuckled warmly. “Basically what I’m trying to say is...I really freaking like you. God, what kind of a loser confesses his love while the others asleep? What are you doing to me Two-Tone?”

“Wow that’s really fucking gross. I’ve lost the already very little amount of respect I had for you. Now back up off of my best friend you creep.”

Clint jerked.“Holy shit!”

James Rhodes himself had appeared. His Tony Stark Endangered Virtue Monitor must have been going off.

“I don’t have a virtue monitor you fucking sparrow.” Rhodey stalked towards the archer and yanked him up by the ear. “And even if I _did_ it would mean that you’re in here doing something unvirtuous and if that were the case, it would mean that I’d have to rip your spine out through your teeth. I don’t have to do that do I?”

“N-n-n-no?” Clint whimpered and reached out helplessly towards the rest of the team (sans Bruce) wedged in the doorway. “Please help.”

“I think it’s time we all had a little talk.”

*******************

“Look.” Rhodey leaned against the kitchen island back down on the main floor. “I only came here to drop off War Machine for some repairs so I’ll make this brief. If anyone’s going to date/and or touch my best friends ass I’d rather it be Logan, who is a _paid_ faculty member at a school for mutants, or Bruce Wayne, who is a literal millionaire.”

“You-“ He points. “Don’t even have real jobs. All you do is fuck around all day until some crackpot decides he wants to concoct some sort of shitty convoluted scheme in order to blow up the world. Do you even get paid for that? Do you pay for anything? Or are you just living on Tones dime while he cares for you like your a gaggle of infants with muscle?” He eyed the blond demigod. “Except you. Your a prince right? You can’t be completely useless.”

“Hey!”

“Shut it birdbrain.” Rhodey strolled towards the elevator. “Think about what I said. And if anyone tries to kiss Tony in his sleep again, I’ll shoot you then call Pepper.”

“Aww why’d you have to bring the Dragon Lady into it.” Clint whined.

“Goodbye Son Of Roads. (-“It’s Rhodes.”-)” Thor waved. “I thank you for the words of wisdom and your threats of spinal injury!”

“You’re only saying goodbye to him because he gave you a free pass.” Bucky glared. “We can’t all be royalty you know.”

“Colonel Rhodes is right.” Steve sighed. “Tony’s been taking care of us and we do almost nothing but meander around the tower waiting for Central Park to catch on fire.”

“Wait Cap, you don’t mean-?”

“Yes. After Tony takes us out for dinner tonight, we are going to go ask Director Fury for hourly employment.” Steve grinned. “And then we’ll be the ones taking Tony out to dinner.”

“Now that is a terrible idea.”

“Shut up Clint. You’ve said enough for one night.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone catch Steve’s confusing boner troubles?? I sense a harmless prank turned erotica involving Steve, Tony and an ice tray~
> 
> Next chapter! 
> 
> The unemployed Avengers experience the shitty world of responsible adult contributing members of society! Also there may or may not be a massive dick waving contest between Steve and Logan.


End file.
